All the writers in residence for the project met again virtually for a writing workshop over the weekend. I’m really enjoying this space where we get to create together, as well as share our developments and concerns about how each residency is going. It is definitely a life source for me as I have to move in other circles where I am the only Black face in the room. Usually in these space, I am communicating, or so I think. But from the reactions or usually non-reactions, I feel as if I’m on the other side of double glazing and trying to connect to the group through words and actions but they are just not listening, not even giving me the time of day.
This is what it’s like moving through this world as a Black woman and being judged on my appearance rather than on the value and worth I could bring to the table if you only took the time, and gave me the rightful respect, and listened.
Within our little group of writers, this isn’t the case. We meet under the understanding of our shared experiences. Of being deemed as ‘other’ within white supremacy society, even though again and again through our actions and words we strive to centre ourself in our own experiences. In our space, writing, talking and laughing together, ‘whiteness’ is not centred. We are centred and this is liberating and food for me soul.
I want more of this. More. Thank you fellow writers for being on this journey with me. You make this ride easier and much more enjoyable.
Mangoes, dragonflies, trees and Clay. Those are my earliest memories of nature. Although I grew up in cities, I have always been surrounded by nature both merciful and torrential. As a young girl growing up in Nigeria in the 90’s, living surrounded by butterflies, birds and trees, gave me the release I needed in times of stress and worry. It still does today. Eating traditional sweets and catching falling mangoes from our garden and just having a blast outside is something that reminds me of the richness I was surrounded by.
Living in the UK really changed my exposure to nature. Cities are less green, gardens smaller, I rarely saw butterflies. I waited 10 years to see my first wild hedgehog. Access to wild unrestricted nature was far and expensive. It became even more difficult to deal with mental fatigue and stress. Then I moved to Durham. Durham, an old small city with such beauty, it made more sense to choose this place for my future studies. I walked around more, day and night, bathing in the shadows of trees, chasing the local rabbits, reconnecting with the soil and just getting lost in nature. Taking the longer more scenic route to university, made me feel lighter and less blehhh.
My first time writing about Nature was brought on pollution. The pollution of land, river, air and ocean, brought about by human activity in Nigeria. Seeing the effect oil spills had on our environment birthed my first publicly shared poem. When I was much younger, I’d create imaginery creatures that worked at night, replenishing nature whilst we slept and would then sleep in the day time, whilst we worked. However, this poem was different, it hurt. That pain I now use to fuel my writing, activities and creations.
At age 22, I was diagnosed with a rare form of ovarian cancer. My life was thrown into a spin. My life now included journies between the hospital and my home. I was weak, exhausted and sick but I longed for Green and sea. My first trip out with friends whilst on chemotherapy was physically exhausting. However, mentally I was fired up. At the end of my chemotherapy cycles, I was invitend to a week long trip to the Lake District by Climbing Out. It was an amazing experience. I conquered my fear of bottomless water and jumped off a bridge, twice. It felt amazing to be surrounded by friends from the hospital and made some new memories.
After that, another lull, until Sheree. I met this amazing being who loved earth and beamed that love to others. She brought access to nature to black women like myself, who felt disconnected because of our lives and experiences. I became stronger with each new walk, with each journey, I started to reconnect. My senses where returning. Enjoying the texture of soil and plant, creating a new bond and friendships, and writing again.
I was beyond excited to be invited as a Writer in residence. Plus with an organisation in a place that made me love and bond with British nature, the Durham Wildlife Trust. There is much I have to learn but I can’t wait to see myself evolve as a writer. Even though Covid-19 has slowed things down a bit, it’s allowed me to discover new ways to reconnect. Through this residency, I hope to show the bond we have with the earth, mentally, physically and emotionally. I also hope it inspires more to reconnect and heal through exposure to the Green, Blue, Red and colour diversity of nature.